NPR...No Bitter Aftertaste

I was disturbed to overhear two teachers discussing a medical seminar in Cleveland, where a doctor induced a fatal stroke in a dog for the sole purpose of a sales pitch. How cruel and soulless can humans continue to be in this world? I get home and ask my husband if he had heard about this atrocity. His usual reply to my references to the news was "well yeah, if you actually read the newspaper, you would have known this for a while like the rest of the world!"

My lack of interest in the daily newspaper has been a consistent subject of irritation for my husband. I assume he must liken my naiveté about current and local events to a barefoot and pregnant county bumpkin from Appalachia. I prefer to think of it as a blissful ignorance, of which I am content.

Now if the local newspaper was actually positive and uplifting, with a hint of glamour and glitz to boot, then I would say "sign me up!" Thus far, reading the newspaper moves me to vigilantisms of the most extreme: avenging the innocent animal and human victims of murder, rape, torture, and abuse via blow torches and straight razors. Healthy thoughts? I would have to say a big "NO" on that one.

Until a pill or medical procedure (which does not involve cruelty to animals) that desensitizes people to the atrocities of the world is invented, I will leave my palatable exposure to world and current events in the competent hands of NPR (National Public Radio). Ahhh, the safe haven of public radio; what more could one ask than for information and news organically grown, pureed and spoon-fed for easy digestion. Local newspapers are the IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) of information, and who wants to have to take a Tums with their news? Me thinks not!

So until the newspaper changes its sections to names like Fresh Air, All Things Considered, or Morning Edition, it's public radio for me.

Please forward or else.....

We have all received those emails of promises: forward to this many people and your wish will come true in such and such time; if 5 people send it back you are a good friend; send this to 10 friends and watch what happens; don’t forward and you will have bad luck; John Smith didn’t take it seriously and within 1 hour he received a phone call that his family was killed in a car wreck. Okay, maybe the whole family dying in a car wreck is a tad extreme, but you get the picture right. So I think to myself, hey let’s make some superstitious people happy that for once I just didn’t “delete”. For now, enjoy this nominal glimpse into my psyche:

Read through the comments below about your friend and then make sure you read the instructions at the bottom.

Have fun!

1. What time is it?: 9:42 P.M.

2. Full Name?: Kim Lynn (confession- I am also part Asian)

3. What do you fear most?: The irrational things in life… sharks and heights

4. What do you drive?: A global warming mobile

5. Have you ever seen a ghost?: Alas no, but not because I haven’t tried.

6. Where were you born?: Our nation’s capital, Washington D.C.

7. Ever been to Alaska?: No, but a photo of my friend and me currently resides in the Birdhouse (a bar) in Anchorage.

8. Ever been toilet papering?: I think so

9. Croutons or Bacon bits?: Neither

10. Favorite day of the week: “Saturday with steaming cup o' java and nowhere to be” (Pavkov). I liked this response from the
person who sent this to me.

11. Favorite restaurant: Howard’s Pub on Ocracoke Island, NC. I highly recommend the boiled shrimp sprinkled with Old Bay, washed down with a cold Sammy Adams straight from the bottle.

12. Favorite Flower: How about if we make that plural (honeysuckle, hyacinths, and lilacs heavy on the lime).

13. Favorite sport to watch: Are you kidding? I have better ways to spend my time thanks.

14. Favorite Drink: Jack and Pepsi...what else?

15. Favorite Ice cream: Homemade vanilla (hard serve)

16. Disney or Warner Brothers: Disney

17. Favorite fast food restaurant: McDonalds'

18. What color is your bedroom carpet?: Uhhh, creamy burber if anyone really cares

19. How many times you failed your driver's test?: What? None. What kind of dumb ass fails their driver’s test?

20. Before this one, from whom did you get your last e-mail?: My friend Amy, who I was surprised to learn, was unaware that
her 1st husband is getting divorced from his 2nd wife, who has now cheated on 2 husbands thus far, and is
probably working on the 3rd (allegedly). Confused? Me too!

21. What do you do most often when you are bored?: Read, write, play video games

22. Bedtime: 10ish

23. Who will respond to this email the quickest?: No one will respond because I never forward this stupid shit to people

24. Who is the person to whom you will send this that is least likely to respond: See #23

25. Who is the person that you are most curious to see their responses: See #23

26. Favorite TV show: I don’t watch TV, but I did rent season 1 of LOST and enjoyed it

27. Ford or Chevy: Neither if I had my druthers.

28. What are you listening to right now?: Mike snoring, in lieu of watching the movie “Lucky Number Slevin” that he took the
time to rent after our friend Dave recommended it. Hhmmmm, must be a pretty damn good movie Mike ZZZZZZZZZZ.

29. What are your favorite colors?: Green and Black

30. How many tattoos do you have?: One on my right shoulder. It the Scorpio symbol, but most people think it’s an M for
Mike, which it most certainly is not (Not that there’s anything wrong with that)! Only Seinfeld people will get that last
part.

31. Do you have any pets?: Bailey the lab, Boots the tuxedo cat, and Nemo the beta fish

32. Which came first the chicken or the egg?: WTF?

33. What would you like to accomplish before you die?: B wrote: "fly in a plane without full-blown hysterics/ panic attacks
and massive doses of Captain V’s" (I for one would also like B to accomplish this as well, for her sake as well as mine.
Don’t ask). Me? Hmmmm….finish writing a book, own another horse or two, an 1800s log cabin, a fainting goat, hike the
Appalachian, and most important…know that my daughter always felt loved growing up and THEN see her grow to be an
independent, happy, and healthy woman as well.

34. How many people are you sending this e-mail to?: See #23 again

---Okay, this bottom part is what irritates me about these things-----

RETURN DIRECTIONS: Now, here's what you're supposed to do...and
please do not spoil the fun.

Hit forward, delete my answers and type in your answers. Then send this to a whole bunch of people you know INCLUDING the person who sent it to you.

The theory is that you will learn a lot of little known facts about those who want to know.